Not What I Expected

Recently, I found myself feeling very weighed down with burdens. Was I being a good enough mother? A good enough wife? Maybe I was pouring too much of myself into my ministry, into others, and not giving myself a good enough time to recharge my own thinly worn energy supply. I truly thought I was going on the strength of the Lord and was holding fast to Isaiah 40:31, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." So important I thought it to meditate on this verse, my entire family committed it to memory. But day after day of long hours, not enough sleep, and work-related stress, I still didn't have the peace and rest my soul so desperately needed. And God showed himself to me in a way that I did not see coming. 


My eldest daughter Kylie gave her first public testimony at church this morning and she kept repeating how despite her anger, grief, and despair, God continued to answer her prayers in ways she couldn't understand at the time. How amazing is His love and incomprehensible that we cannot begin to know the depths of His ways and miracles in our lives! You see, just when I thought I had to keep on keeping on, for the mere sake of doing, God had other plans. Although it pains me to realize that MY method, MY constant grind of doing and doing and going through the motions is what I thought best, God knew better. I am now in a position to take some much needed time to be in fellowship with Him, to truly get deep in His Word and see that its not about what I DO, but about who HE is, in me. So even as the circumstances revolving my much needed rest may be filled with some despair and anguish, this is just my own pride and a stumbling block to what is necessary for me to grow deeper in love with Christ, so that I can be His daughter, a mere servant, serving the King of Kings. 

Isaiah 38:15-17,  "But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul. Lord by such things men live, and my spirit finds life in them too. You restored me to health and let me life. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." 

The Beauty of the Lord

Ps 8:3-4

When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

(from New International Version)

The South Coast Botanical Gardens in Rancho Palos Verdes, CA is something to witness. Miles upon miles of beautiful vegetation, nestled against hills, trails, and benches to take in the view, just 20 miles from downtown Los Angeles. My children and I went to visit there for my son’s social studies project—“Exploring His Community”, just last weekend. I was struck by how we live amidst the garbage of the world: crime, violence, disease, hate, pollution, and oppression, yet God still reveals Himself and searches for His people. Are we aware of His presence? Do we see Him in our everday lives? I’m not so sure. We get so caught up with what we need to do—laundry, chores, kids, work, bills, serving at church, serving at the kids’ schools, doctor appointments, homework, reading, and on and on.  But God is still working miracles in the here and now. Look at the lives transformed; those who were addicted and now are healthy and happy. Families reunited through divorce and sin, now together again and thriving. Babies without mothers, left behind, alone, but now adopted by loving parents who long to take care of them and watch them grow. And even this beautiful garden of gum trees, roses, hibiscus, lilacs, daisies, and more. God is seeking us. He wants us to realize it and take a moment and spend time with Him. How awesome that my kids decided we should sit after an hour into our hike in the park and stop and pray. How often do you stop to smell the roses?

I'm Trading My Sorows

In one of our classes at school recently we were posed with a question: Why did God chose this world to perserve freedom and defeat evil?

This got me thinking a little bit about my hometown. There has been around a dozen people in the past two years whom I either grew up with, knew their children, or by way of my parents-- who has recently left this earth unexpectedly. Many people in this small tight-knit community are saddened by this fact and it leaves us wondering the age old question, why does God let bad things happen to good people? Why does God let anything bad happen? How can a God who is all about love, allow a world to have evil or sorrow in it?

Which gets me back to the original question which our class was challenged to answer. Because God does love us, He has given us a free will. We can either choose Him and be a part of His family, or we can choose to live a part from Him. We know that being 'in sin' is living apart from God. If we want to live in the mainstream pop culture and "fit in" with what the world says is cool, then are we really living according to God's will for our lives?

God calls us to be a holy people. This is only done out of our love for Him, living in constant fellowship with Him, and allowing His power, given to us by His Holy Spirit, to choose what is right and true. I used to live to do what pleased Misty. I chose to make bad choices and turn away from the Lord's light and path for me. But I think everyone comes to a crossroads at some point in their life where they have to decide: Will I choose life or do I choose "self-pleasing", the world, and ultimately death? It may not be that clear to everyone, but it really is our own individual decision. I praise the Lord for my 'opportunity' at a young age (25) to come to the crossroads and see clearly the path of destruction versus the path to His Kingdom.

Jesus said in John 15:9, "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, as I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (NIV) So living a Christian life may be hard. We will suffer here. There will exist for a time, pain, sorrows, grieving, and hurt. All this has its place as God gives us freedom to make choices and ultimately, should we choose His way, we will no longer have pain and sorrow in heaven with Him.

So why here why now is our freedom preserved and evil allowed? This may not be the best possible situation, but it is the best way to the best world. If God is to both preserve freedom and defeat evil, then he has to ensure that each person is given the chance to make his own free choice to determine his destiny. Evil is overcome in that, once those who reject God are separated from the others, the decisions of all are made permanent. Sin will cease to exist. The ultimate goal for God's perfect world after judgment with free humans will have been achieved, but He can only do it by casting out those who abuse their freedom.

"I have told you these things, so that in me, you can have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." --Jesus, (John 16:33 NIV)