Monday, February 27, 2012

Fear Not!

Well I titled this post, fear not, thinking about all the worrying I've been doing in my brief time as an adult. Jesus says, "Don't be afraid; just believe." and again in Mark 4 to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" And I wonder, what's wrong with me? I believe. I have faith. But when faced with the freeways of Los Angeles or thinking about having to fly 30,000 miles over the mountains or seas in an airplane, I get a sudden onset of total panic in which I feel that my heart is beating so strongly out of my chest, that I must be having a heart attack. I guess I've always been the kind of woman who wants to have control. Being in the midst of millions of other cars on the CA-91 or having zero effect on whether the pilot has enough rest and competency to land us safely, does not assure me that I have any options or controls of how the situation will play out.

Of course, as a parent, I wonder about my children's well being, how they will make friends at different schools along their journeys through life, picking the right college, whether they will meet the right mate to marry for life, and if my grandchildren will be taken care of. And then there's me. Will I ever pay off all those student loans? Will people like me? Am I really a good wife/mother/daughter/friend? These sorts of thoughts keep me awake at night and I am GRATEFUL that I had the good wisdom to start really searching my Bible for peace--real peace, that only comes from a omnipotent, omnipresent God. He lead me to feel out a few verses and to try a couple different recovery meetings recently where it hit me that I am also powerless over my anxiety, and I must turn it over to Him to handle. 

Last week, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Basically, my body feels pain in multiple places at random times- like my back, neck, head, knee, and chest, with very few physical tangible reasons.Another group of symptoms involve depression, anxiety, fatigue, and insomnia. There is no cure or cause. But I will not let this rule over me, holding me back, and stealing my joy. My hope is in the Lord. I have been through so much, yet have been given such freedom and happiness in having a renewed relationship with Jesus, my family, and having good friends. The Psalmist wrote, "He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Psalm 91:4-7 NLT

So I will keep my chin up, remembering that His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me!!! The day may seem hard, the night even longer, you might feel lonely at times, but God is with you wherever you are. We can ruin a chance to sit at Jesus' feet by fretting over a meal and what others are doing, just as Martha did. Or we can choose to rest in the love of God and have faith like a child. I leave you with this verse my family and I just spent time memorizing last week.

 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phil. 4:8